When you get engaged, suddenly everyone around you, even perfect strangers, are compelled to offer advice, insights, and TONS of “you shoulds” with regard to planning your wedding. (I heard this happens when you are having a baby as well…)

It seems that everyone around you has an opinion about how YOUR day should be!

I know what your thinking: “Well, I’ll just tell them to bug off and do what I want”. Of course that is what you will do–that is what *I* said I would do. And then it’s your grandmother who is paying for a good portion of your wedding, and she thinks she is entitled to call the shots (she isn’t) or your future mother-in-law wants you to have the same wedding HER daughter had–and is not afraid to vocalize that to you…and everyone else in a 15 mile radius. It’s certainly easy to say you will do what you want, regardless, but then there is real life…

Some tips that worked for me:

If you know someone will not like something–Don’t tell them: If you know you Aunt Kim hates red and orange–and your invites are red with orange script–why tell her? You don’t need the aggravation–and what can she say after they are done?

If someone insists on giving you unwanted advice–ignore it. Listen to what they have to say, smile, Thank them for their input, change the subject, and do what you want.

Try to work out a reasonable compromise: I know, I know, it’s your day, and you should be able to do whatever you want. But also, keep in mind that it it’s your family’s day as well. So, perhaps you can add those 5 cousins your mom wants–if she backs off on who should be in your bridal party. Try to “give up” something that does not matter, or matters less to you that what you want. If you really don’t care if there is pink or red flowers on the gift table, why fight about it?

Make sure your vendors are VERY clear who is in charge: True story: when a friend of mine got married, she did not want passed hor d’oeuvers at her cocktail hour (have no idea why, but whatever)and she made this very clear to everyone. Her mother-in-law contacted the reception venue and as a “surprise” had them add hor d’oeuvers to the cocktail hour (at least she paid for them.) So my friend walks into HER wedding–and what does she see? Hor d’oeuvers. Nearly sent her over the edge that this women would go behind her back like that…I was even more surprised that the venue would actually do that without asking the bride…but it can happen…

The bottom line is: pick your battles–identify what is most important to you and your fiance’‚–and bend on the rest. The average time to plan a wedding is 1 year–do you really want to spend that time fighting with people?

Do you have any tips or experiences you would like to share? I would love to heard them!

Good luck!